Wedding Planning Update #15 - FOCCUS
Our first item of business once in NJ for Christmas vacation was for both Kris and I to meet with Father Paladino. We took care of some paperwork, with a bit of an interview-style questionnaire about us and the sacrament of marriage. Finally, we were off to take the FOCCUS Inventory. It’s a set of statements pertaining to topics including spirituality, finances, offspring, sex, and drugs/alcohol. Each person is given the booklet, an answer sheet, and a number 2 pencil - yup, just like standardized tests (SATs, GREs, etc). Then we were put in separate rooms to fill in our answers. There were about 75 statements that “everyone” has to answer, and then 3 sections for “special situations” in our version with about 15 statements each. We had to answer two of them - for remarrying couples, and for couples that co-habitate. This sounds easy enough, but remember your answers are “agree,” “disagree,” or “uncertain,” and you have to read the statements carefully or you might end up answering in a way you did not intend to.
I finished first, and joked with our pastor about not knowing how to answer the questions about raising children from a previous marriage (since there aren’t any), and about a minute later Kris came in and said almost the exact same thing. Then the pastor joked that we could discuss our answers now; “What did you put for statement ______?” 
Of course in the car straight after leaving we did. One of the statements both of us were unsure about answering was, “I can only be happy if I’m married.” Since we aren’t married yet, both of us answered “disagree,” but this and some of the other statements we definately had to think about for a couple minutes.
I’m also extremely happy to say that when we saw Father Paladino later after mass, he said to us, “In the fifteen years I have given the FOCCUS Inventory, you two scored the highest! In fact, in the ‘key factors’ section, you two matched 100%.” I remarked, “Well, we have talked a lot about many of those items already,” to which Father Paladino replied, “It’s obvious that you have.” Kris and I almost feel like we cheated, but we didn’t know what the statements would be. I guess this is a really good sign of our life together right now, and to come! 
